State of DisUnion

Well, the State of the Union is tonight, so I decided to take a break from my midterm and record my reactions. I’m going to just write them, and then post them. Hope you enjoy…

9:00-Laura Bush walks in. Damn, those people will clap for anything. I think that if they pulled an ape out of someone’s ass, all the politicians would stand and clap. Of course, that would have meant that someone in Washington wasn’t full of shit, but rather monkey…

9:01-Yay for Justices Roberts and now Alito

9:03-I have to wonder how is it that so many extremely egotistical people can handle sitting so closely together. I mean, seriously, maybe they could all just earmark some money to expand the house chamber.

9:05-Well, the crazy bitch Sheehan managed to get herself kicked out of the chamber. This not being a Bush rally, we couldn’t search her first for signs before she came in. The funniest thing about her for me is that she’s really just a caricature for the Democrats. No doubt there’s been less than smooth sailing with the Republicans, but the Dems have been so out of touch lately, that they’ve been unable to gain ground without overblown scandals (i.e. Abramoff).

9:08-Dubya has entered the building, not that you can see him, thanks to the numerous photographers. This is the closest Howard Dean will ever have gotten to the presidency.

9:12-Cheney and Hastert look like two heart attacks, waiting to happen, sitting there next to each other.

9:12-Coretta Scott King, nice play for black voters.

9:13-Well, we’re strong, and everyone needs to get along. Sounds a lot like Clinton, minus the pot.

9:15-Americans are badasses. We’ve done such a good job handling Palestine, we should just keep going? Democracy and Freedom do generally make us safer, but Hamas has proved that there are instances where it doesn’t promote peace for all.

9:17-Please say China, please say China….how else do we get half the world’s citizenry without democracy? Piss-ant countries like Iran, North Korea, and Syria are dangerous, but small. China is dangerous and big! I’m sure even Bush can get that.

9:18-I loved the cut to the Arab guy during the bit on how radical Islam is bad and how dedicated we are.

9:19-I bet that if Cindy Sheehan had made it in, they’d cut to her right now. She’s probably burning a flag to commemorate the strength of America to help others out. We don’t give up y’all. Duh.

9:21-Iraq, blah blah blah, Iraq, blah blah blah. We’re kicking ass there too. Actually, it’s not all that bad, and I’m as confident as Bush is that we will succeed in setting up a functioning democracy there, even if the Democrats appear a bit reticent to agree with me.

9:23-Ouch, you just got bitch slapped, Democrats. He was being so nice there, and then boom, we need constructive criticism, not defeatism.

9:25-Stand behind the military…Which money and power hungry congressman isn’t going to stand up for that?

9:26-Seargent Dan Clay. His letter expresses A. why we have soldiers, and B. why they’re proud to be serving our country. Cindy Sheehan…let me guess you missed that one because they were carting your ass off to jail.

9:29-Yay! More freedom for everyone! I think we should just let the Israelis take over the Middle East. No worrying about Iran or Syria or Palestine. Just some old-fashioned ass kicking. And then some fallout over what is currently Israel after the Iranians blew them all up.

9:32-I think that we could make the world a better place if some Africans decided to hire a lobbyist.

9:34-Remind me why the Dems aren’t standing for the Patriot Act? Oh yeah that’s right, they like terrorists and dead Americans. If the Patriot Act was such a heinous wrong, then why didn’t the Supreme Court slap it down? It pisses me off when people play politics with life and death.

9:37-And now for the job creation numbers, which in all fairness are impressive, though not even Bush is trying to say that there’s a silver lining there.

9:38-Uhh, Dubya. Mexicans don’t vote. Please tell me you know this.

9:40-Ok, we all want the permanent tax cuts, but fair’s fair, you also need to pimp fiscal responsibility.

9:41-Umm yes, but $14 billion is really chump change. We should be cutting a hell of a lot more than that.

9:42-LINE ITEM VETO!!!! I want to stand and cheer. I’m really that excited. I mean, I wrote a paper on why we need it. Not that anyone’s going anywhere with that.

9:43-Uhh, George, that’s embarrassing. And Dems, that’s even more embarrassing. Nicely played Dubya. Not that touching the third rail is really ever a good idea, but I’m glad he put the impetus on everyone. Even though that means no-one has to take the blame.

9:44-George Bush, Milton Freidman hates you right now.

9:45-I guess he does realize that Mexicans don’t vote. Border Security is gigantic for the Southwest. Very gigantic. Like, Colossal.

9:47-Medical Liability reform. You like that Bill Frist, don’t you?

9:49-Thank God, nuclear energy. That’s really the only way we can break our coal addiction. Ethanol…umm, this is the State of the Union, not the Iowa Caucus. We need to not be dependent on Middle Eastern oil. You know, we could try opening ANWR; it’s not as thought the 3 caribou vote. Studies have actually shown the pipeline in Alaska increased the concentrations of wildlife.

9:52-Education. Expanding AP math and science programs is a great idea. However, few kids will actually want to keep going with them in college unless there’s financial incentive.

9:53-You’re streets are safer, blah, blah, blah. More kids are using condoms, blah, blah, blah. Nobody really thinks that there’s been an improvement in national character. If anything it tends the opposite direction.

9:55-I love our new justices. Now Bader-Ginsberg, Souter and Stevens just need to die or something. Quite retirement would be ideal, I think. Preferably within the next 3 or 4 months.

9:57-No stem cell research. Cancer patients are busting out voodoo dolls of you right now, Mr. President. They’re using their LiveSTRONG bracelets to strangle you in absentia. That and their needles for their chemo.

9:59-Oh please, everyone in America has equality under the law, if they want it. They just need to stop fucking up their lives and blaming other people.

10:01-Don’t we give more money to AIDS every year? It’s like Hollywood. Oh can’t think of a good movie idea? Let’s make another sequel! Like a sequel, can’t we just spend more money on AIDS without using as a publicity pub and speech filler?

10:03-Well, it’s going to be another long year. And something tells me that unlike 2002 we’re going to have a hell of a time holding on to our substantial majorities. Forget gaining seats. Right now, I’m just hoping we can make it through midterms without losing any seats. Bottom line, there were a couple of interesting ideas, but the reality here is that I’m once again left wandering why I actually watch the State of the Union address. It’s pretty much the same thing every year. A lot of hoo-rah about foreign policy and then a bunch of random stuff about domestic policy.

The part that interested me the most was the energy policy. We have an oil addiction. That’s why we care so much about making inroads with democracy in the last area of the world still filled with monarchies and theocracies. If the US doesn’t need oil from the Middle East, that completely changes the geopolitical landscape in the world.

Anyway, I’ve got a midterm to study for, and have wasted too much time on this already. So long, and thanks for all the fish.